Reformation is possible, I hope

Shantanu Panigrahi

VivekaVaniji, I have learnt so much from your Videos and as a mental patient of Her Majesty, the Queen's government in the United Kingdom for 24 years, find your words of wisdom great comfort to my rotten life. I am 65 years of age nearly now, and I tried what I called satya-advaita yoga throwing aside the Yogashastras and going my own way as I never had a guru to guide me, but it got me nowhere. I am still having to take anti-psychotic, anti-depressant and mood-stabilising medications to calm me down from the restless nature that I have developed working on the computer 15-17 hours a day to try and make sense of it all. This morning I have described myself as an asshole of society as a result. I am sorry that I doubted your words that the Bhagavad Gita are the words of Sri Krishna who I worshipped over these long years including during Ram Navami when I was in my first spell in the mental hospital in 2004 for having conducted myself in Brahmanism dharmayudha, and it has not paid off for me. So please continue to offer us mere mortals your pearls of wisdom. I am not sexist but in my latter stages I described God as a coin with a head side and a tail side represented by Sri Krishna as Creator and Sadhguru and Durga as Devi and the annihilator of evil. I have in my youth visited Belur Math and like you suggest purchased small books on Ramakrishna and Vivekananda, and my stepmother sent me a book by Swami Vivekananda 'To the Youth of India' that I worshipped as sacred. Of course I was a worshipper of Durga in my youth in Allahabad (Uttar Pradesh) and also Saraswati, although not of Lakshmi as I was told that she was the goddess of wealth and wealth never interested me, although I did become very rich from a 18 year job as a scientist working in Natural Resources which led to me becoming a Nature worshipper in all its manifestations. I believed, in my delusional state that God Sri Krishna had come to my rescue to turn me into a proper human being in my attempts to naturalise into the British way of life, and for one thing or the other no one would believe me that my God was real and that he could have given me visions, utterances and prophecies of what was to unfold in my life since the day that I was place under a disciplinary offence at the workplace for gross misconduct, and which led to 24 years of dharmayudha, all of which was futile as I write this. So today I described myself as an asshole, the British word is pissartist, and I have on reflection been a pissartist extraordinaire. Please help me reform myself on the basis of our Hindu shastras. Thank you in anticipation.